...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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