she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
