how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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