I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
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when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
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There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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