Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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