Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
