I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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