It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Just high enough for therapy.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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