: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
