I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
