Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Blood and glitter go together right?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
