barbara walters just said penis...
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
