Where is the hickey?
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Randomize
