I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
