So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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