some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
