I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
