At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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