Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
