I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
