A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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