A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
