i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
