She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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