Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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