3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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