everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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