Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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