I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
