I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
