glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize