also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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