Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
