Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
