Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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