I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
