I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
