My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
