I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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