my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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