mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
