I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
