Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
