i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize
