okay pat passed out under dana's car
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
it glows. i had to have it.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
