i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
