I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I am mentally ready for anal.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
