I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
A bitchslap is in order.
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