I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize