I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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