very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
