So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
not ubering you a puppy
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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