u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
