I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
