I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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