I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
