dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
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Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
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Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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