i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
if i can run in heels then i can drive
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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