Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
