he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
