Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
